Literally haven’t been on my tumblr for ages. I needed to write to let all my thoughts out but facebook & twitter have to many nosey and unwanted people. So Tumblr it is, You will get bored, I’m warming you.

2012, was such a shit year. 

literally hated being 19, I don’t think I’v ever had a worse year. Despite having a  holiday to Kavos with all my friends, the year was still so shit. I can’t even. Even right at the start….I should of known in January when Instead of going to university and being around my friends and enjoying myself, I sat in court and supported someone, spending all my time and money yet getting treated like crap by other people there. This went on for like 3 months. I honesty can’t believe I did that for that long but  hey thats what you do for people you care about. I wish I never made other peoples problems my own. I need to focus on my own issues and problems. 

University was good until friendships and things just fell apart, you’d think people would of grown up, rather then cause so much drama constantly. I was never actually involved in any of the “he said she said” bullshit as like I said before I spent most of my second semester I sat in a court. I love the friends I’v made at uni, I couldn’t say a bad word about any one of them but I missed my friends back home so so so much. People always describe our group as constantly full of drama and i do agree but thats because we’re all strong characters, but friends are amazing and wouldn’t change them for anything. I actually lost friends and made some stronger ones in 2012. Crazy how people can change but each to there own.

After I moved backed home I literally just wanted to forget about university for the summer, My summer mostly consisted of me sitting on my arse and laying in bed until gone 12. I had no money at all. Not even 10p. Whilst all my friends had free oyster cards and could go park and other places, I couldn’t. (well I could but didn’t want to walk in the heat. fuck that). I just tried to focus on Kavos and getting excited even though I literally only had £40 to last me a week, until my nan and dad helped me out the day before. 

Kavos. Where to start on that. I left in a fight with my “best friend” at the time but we wasn’t even on the same plane or hotel anyway. The first night was awkward as fuck, the two groups felt so separated, was just horrid. Never the less I got smashed and ended up hanging so badly the next day. I spent the whole day laughing about everything with a girl I was sharing the room with. I literally never laughed so much. I pretty sure the heat went to our heads, I literally had abs after that day. However the night was just horrible. Aside from making up with my best friend cause I just couldn’t bare the awkwardness and decided to be a bigger person. I got into a an actual fight with the girl I spent the whole day laughing with. 5am drunk and arguing is not the one. I was so shocked it happened to us. Next day was mental, my hand was double the size from punching, I felt so shit and bad about everything. I decided to stay in the next night and just me and this girl was left. We spoke about what happened and put it be hide us. Our early night turned into 8hours of talking about life, It crazy when you look at someone you never can know what or how much they have been through. I’m now closer to his girl then most people and I can say she is one the nicest people I know. I can honestly say that Kavos made my relationships stronger with someone people and worse with others. After that night the holiday got really good and I enjoyed myself. Swimming naked and breaking into a pool at 3am will always be a good memory.

After Kavos, I was like nah fuck staying at home I wanted to go out and enjoy myself, I got a job at a bar in Hyde Park, during all the festivals and Olympic shit, was good money but crazy hours. After it finished and I got paid the rest of the summer I was just constantly high and drunk and didn’t want to deal with any relationships, work or uni. I decided to cut my losses and just wanted to be alone. I didn’t want anyone or a boyfriend.

So as university came up my heart started playing up, I didn’t really tell anyone cause I just assumed it would pass. I was wrong. I went to see Mumford & Sons with a girl from my Uni…I passed out and threw up everywhere, was highly embarrassing and they blamed it on “low blood pressure”. I started to feel more worse every time I left my house. I was going out one night with some people from uni in london. I felt so shit on the train I knew something bad was going to happen to me. I felt so shit I just wanted to go back home, which I did. As soon as I got home I went into a fit, my heart was going at 150bpm and 999 was called. I was taken to fucking barnet, shit hospital and had stupid amount of tests were done. They couldn’t find anything wrong with me  apart from I had infection but couldn’t find where. I found out later it was my heart. I was convinced I was going to die. The next 3-4 months I was in and out of hospital, had heart monitors fitted and all sorts. It’s safe to say I never want a fricking blood test again.  Whist being ill I never thought about anything and I grow far away from people I cared about. I just used it as excuse not deal with how I was feeling about everyone and everything.  The only thing being ill thought me was who out of my friends actually cared. I tuned 20 and had a fight with my mum. I spent most the day alone and then went up to my friends uni and couldn’t do anything as my heart was bad.

My hearts got better and I went back to work, Still never went to Uni mostly because I felt what was the point as Iv missed so much, and had like 2 weeks left of the semester . I now have to re take the year which I am feeling better about I guess cause then I can just chill for couple months save some money and actually get a good grade. 

Not alot really happened into 2012, my life sound so boring in this ha. The last thing I learned in 2012 is that no matter now old you get in life, there will always be people to spite you. You’d think being 20 people would grow up but no. I guess it’s something that never changes.

Anyway, I’m starting 2013 surrounded by people that really care about me and I have never been spoilt or looked after so much in my life  and I’m not complaining at all :). It’s nice being the one who gets looked after for a change. I’m look forward to earning money and traveling in the summer.

p.s these aren’t my thoughts, I’m too scared to post what I actually think about